i'm getting four new teeth, but i don't feel any wiser.

my grandmother has cancer and is limping to the graveyard. i haven't called her because i don't know what to say. death is too big for me.

i woke up on september eleventh and i cried all day. i cried for the silent freeways, for the three-hour wait at the blood bank. i cried on the toilet because i didn't know what made me special enough to receive another a chance to get rid of the things i don't want. i cried because flags make people die instead of bringing them back to life. i cried because no one around me was saying anything that made sense. and then

i stopped crying. i stopped thinking. i couldn't think about it anymore because death is too big for me. i don't think much about the size of the universe, either.

the only way i know to handle things i can't handle is not to handle them...

... and so i am reminded that the fact that i buy natural toothpaste doesn't change the fact that i am indeed a soldier in the Apathy Army, fighting for everything wrong in the world.